Angst, Pink Polos, and Gangster Rap

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 07:20:36 GMT

OMG I'M SO FUCKING OBSESSED WITH THE NEW KANYE WEST LEAK I HAVE, JON BRION AND HIM = MUSICAL ORGASM.

diamonds are forever is the new single, you will cream when you hear it on the radio in about a month or so.

or maybe on my myspace if i decide to put that shit up and waste my bandwidth >:(

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 00:55:36 GMT

I'd like to apologize to anyone I've been cold to recently or anyone I may be cold to in the future. There's a lot of shit going on in my life right now, so I'll ask that you all please resist the temptation to be self-centered and ask me what you've done wrong or why I'm mad at you. I know it's cliche, but seriously, it's not you, it's me. One of my biggest personality flaws is my inability to ask for help or support from the people i care about and, as a result, especially when lots of bad things happen to me at once, i get frusterated and angry at the entire world. Right now, that frusteration is at an unprecedented level, as today during 6th period, i was so inexplicably angry i couldn't focus enough to remember my lines from a script i've had memorized for at least 3 weeks now.

so yeah, sorry :(

Regression.

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 08:59:10 GMT

ahahahhahaha

i'm stoned and listening to the get up kids! hellloooooooo 7th grade!

Hell Froze Over

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 16:10:35 GMT

Soooo i got myspace. Expect friend requests.

Friend me or however that shit works. Also, i need a picture where i'm not fat.

http://profiles.myspace.com/users/9962127

Sat, 19 Mar 2005 15:31:58 GMT

YOU FUCKERS BETTER ALL COME TO MY FUCKING PARTY TONIGHT

5343 Lemp Ave

MAPQUEST IT OR CALL [512-9480]

9:00 P

yerrrrrrrr

Fri, 11 Mar 2005 08:32:37 GMT

I just went for a walk and found a stray kitten that looked like kind of like a Serval and i was really excited because I always wanted a Serval and I thought it'd be tight, like if I raised this stray kitten (I keep saying kitten but it was like 6 months old probably) into my own miniature Serval, but my cat didn't like the stray and they hissed at each other and MiniServal had sharp claws and would've tore my fat Russian cat up so I could keep my Serval and now I'm depressed because I think the US's exotic animal laws may prevent me from ever having a Serval of my own and I fucking love Servals so that shit sucks

Serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval serval

Serval

Coup D'Etat

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 08:16:14 GMT

This will probably be the umpteen-billionth entry about the riot at my school today but I have friends in Chicago so ha HA! This news is about to break national, baby!

Ahem, sorry.

So yeah, there was a massive riot at my school that involved about 300 kids, though it's been reported to involve close to double that amount...but fuck it, they weren't there. It all started during nutrition (15 minute mini-lunch period in the morning), when this one Armenian and this one Mexican kid got in a fight and, like always, the armenian's homies jumped in on that shit like cowards. Fortunately, that got stopped pretty quick and it didn't get toa chance to turn into an all out brawl, which can get pretty bad. Unfortunately, when lunch rolled around, it became 20x worse. I look up from talking to this girl and I just see a motherfucking Hispanic Exodus. Not to be racist, but like, the kids were walking towards the place where the Armenian's kick it like they were crossing the Rio Grande or some shit; they had that determined look on their faces. I just go "Oh shit," and run over to find my hispanic homies, but by the time i get there, the two groups had already met. Like face to fucking face. I guess they took Colonel Prescott's advice and didn't start shit until they saw the whites of their eyes.

All of the sudden the whole fucking campus erupts in a brawl. I saw Mrs Cruz (our fat ass principle) leap over two benches with a radio in her hand calling all the security and counselors out to stop that shit. The campus police officer comes by and arrests some kid which allowed the counselors enough space and time to form a line between the two groups. As soon as the cop turns his back, this loud mouthed Mexican girl started walking up and screaming some shit at one of the Armenians. Motherfucker, picks up one of the huge ass trash cans we have at our school and smashes it on the girls head.

All of the sudden, panda-fucking-monium. Punches start getting thrown again, and the mexicans start hurling rocks and full milk cartons at the armenians. The armenians start throwing bottles, in addition to the rocks and milk cartons. I witnessed armenians and mexicans gripping belts, tennis rackets, and lighters getting down. And throughout all this, there is only one armed officer and he calls for backup while arresting the kid that threw the trash can. The weird thing about my school is that the blacks, even the gang members, are really well behaved and never get involved in fights, so I was chilling with them watching this shit happened figuring it would never make it over here, especially because if a kid punched the wrong one of us, he could be dead the next day.

Well, I figured wrong and watched myself being proved a fool as the Armenians hurled two milk cartons at some hispanics and missed. The cartons smashed into the ground, spraying milk all over the black kids and their $250 outfits (Err Force Ones aint free, nukka). Never in my life have I heard "OH HELL NO!" at such a momentous volume. And now every gang/clique/crew in the school was going at it. About three minutes after this, a lone squad car arrives. I guess dispatch didn't understand the severity of the situation. The counselors open the front gate to school to let the police in and all of the sudden, half the fucking school runs out the front gate and now the riot has spilled out on to the street - a fucking major street (Oxnard). By this time, I had had enough and decided it was time to get the hell out of there and into my classroom. Not only was I attempted to be brought into custody twice in this effort, (What racial profiling?) but when i got into the building where my class was, there was a fight in the hallway, so I was shooed out by some counselor. I go around the other side and see another fight in the bungalows (back area of our school), and then turn around and just bust through the way i originally intended to go.

When I get to my class and everybody is looking out our windows at the courtyard as the chaos apparently dwindled down. In actuality, there were still fights going on outside on Oxnard (or so I've heard). Either way, i sit down and an announcement comes on telling us that the school will be on lockdown until further notice. What this means is the classroom doors are locked and no one is allowed leave, not even to go to the bathroom, and the building doors are locked as well. We remained on lock down for more than THREE HOURS, keeping us well after school and almost entirely in the dark about what was going on. When we were let out (One fucking classroom at a time, jesus) we got to witness exactly how out of hand the fight had gotten. We walked out the front gates through a path facilitated by parallel lines of policemen in Light Riot Gear, batons and bean bag rifles ready, holding back these massive swarms of worried parents and students (not physically, like there was a struggle or anything, just keeping the peace i suppose). Every squad car in the precinct had been called in, including the fucking PARKING ENFORCEMENT. Three helicopters circled over head, all the local news was there, and all i could think, honestly, was fucking god damn it I need a cig.

The news reports for this shit were ridiculous. The only one i can show is this one online and its PC sugar-coated bullshit.

In the end, as confirmed by numerous student sources (and probably confirmed by the Newspaper tommorrow [god i hate local tv news]) five kids and one police officer had to be rushed to the hospital for injuries incurred during the riot. Others were treated on site or not treated at all (you must assume alot of them ran off).

Dana took really good pictures of the riot after the brawls had stopped which should, in addition to my account, be more than enough to allow you to imagine the shit that happened. These aren't all the pics, but the ones that I thought were the best.

That's alot of fucking cops.

The afformentioned bean bag rifles.

MOTHERFUCKING BEAN BAG RIFLES.

"There were no immediate reports of arrests or injuries."

Yeah. Fucking. Right.

Light Riot Gear

A really fucking good picture that I think sort of sums up the experience and reminds me that I wish I was as good at taking pictures as Dana but I'm not because she is the supreme being, bitches.

Told you they closed it down. Parking Enforcement Representin.

I bet you wondered why there was only one injured kid captured in the pictures over looking the front when there was a massive fucking riot...well cuz as soon as the media came they set up this nifty little tent out back in the parking lot and shuttled them over there away from the cameras.

Yes, more emergency vehicles existed.

Tue, 08 Mar 2005 07:18:42 GMT

Posted this as a comment one of Dana's entries and figured i should tell everyone:

My brain has exploded and the shrapnel that escaped the skull seems to have been reason and logic, so please excuse my retardation for about a week while I comb through the mental fallout.

Memo

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 04:48:23 GMT

Body Wide Memorandum

TO: Penis
FROM: Central Nervous System, Brain
RE: Chain of Command
CC: Testicles, Lymph Nodes, Prostate, Vas Deferens, Cowpers Gland

It would be greatly appreciated if all body parts complied with the Brain-issued ban on "hook-ups". The ban was issued for a reason and the past has evidenced this. Surely we all recall months ago when the heart sustained major damage due to "certain body parts" disregard for this ban. Recently, this ban has been tested and circumvented a considerable amount of times under the guise of something "being in the process" and therefor not being considered a hook-up. As of yet, this has not yielded any significant damage to the heart, however, as a preventative measure, the language of the ban has been cleared up. From this date forth, hook-ups will include any sex act not done in a romantic relationship, the keyword being relationship. "Friends with benefits" or anything like that is not considered a relationship. Failure to comply with this edict will result in termination. Thank you for your cooperation.

Les mamans du football sont chattes prétentieuses.

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 06:06:32 GMT

OK THIS IS THE LAST FUCKING STRAW. IF I SEE ONE MORE FUCKING ANTI-SMOKING ADS DURING TIME WITH MY FAMILY I'LL FUCKING MURDER SOMEBODY. ITS LEGAL IN THE UNITED STATES. SPEND SOME OF THAT FUCKING MONEY ON ANTI RAPE ADS OR SOME BULLSHIT.

"HAY DUDE, DID YOU KNOW CIGARETTE SMOKE IS ADDICTIVE? DID YOU KNOW IT WAS DEADLY?"

"FUCK NO, I THOUGHT IT WAS MADE OUT OF LOLIPOPS AND PUPPY KISSES AND IT WOULD MAKE MY HEART BETTERERERERERERER."

I SMOKE. I KNOW ITS BAD FOR ME. I DON'T NEED FAGGOTY WHITE SOCCER MOMS LOBBYING TO CHANGE MY MIND AND I DEFINITELY DON'T NEED AWKWARD GLANCES FROM MY PARENTS WHENEVER THE FUCK I WATCH TELEVISION WITH THEM BECAUSE OF THEIR QUEER FUCKING ADS.

CAPSLOCK BITCHES.

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 05:02:35 GMT

I really love how clear signals get muddled so quickly. Or at least crossed.

Hunter S Thompson committed suicide today which fucking sucks. One of my influences.

I would write more but it would just be another emo rant...plus 24 is on now.

PACE BITCHES, I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON JACK BAUER TO STAY THE SAMESSSSSSSSSS.

vague emo post, fuck being direct.

Ces larmes sont exprimées par la colère.

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 07:16:57 GMT

Obligitory post-valentines day emo reconsiliation.

So theres really alot going on in my life and since i'm ridiculously codependent and without a girl (or a fee as you fucking cali retards put it) I'm really very very very lost. I really have no idea what i'm doing, both scholastically and personally.

First of all, guess i'm going to community college. Or at least not a UC. Theres still a chance I'll get accepted into a CalState but really, whats the use; that's not where i want to be. My only hope for a halfway decent, non humiliating education is out of state wherein i would have to use my race to my advantage in everyway possible and basically cry on the phone or some shit, because at the beginning of the year everyone and their moms convinced me that i didn't really want to apply out of state because "The UCs are the greatest state college system since sliced bread" and "you really can't afford to go out of state". And they're right, I really can't afford to go out of state. My father makes enough money annually to keep me from being legally poor but not nearly enough to put me through college, especially when he buys big screen TVs, Toaster Ovens, and other electronics everytime he has money. HE HAS THREE PDAs BUT HAS NO BUSINESS, NO REAL JOB. He's a fucking actor. He uses the PDAs to play Bejeweled on the shitter, nothing more, i swear to god. But its ok, they only cost him 5 bills.

I swear to god if i ever become as retarded with money as my father, i'll kill myself. For five years he had a job that paid him close to $200,000 and he didn't save any of it. If my mother didn't steal money from him, our "family" would not have a house or a car (i put family in quotes since my mother has divorced my father and shes the one with the house and car paid off. I swear to god he speant all his money on coke and white women. He has this stupid facination with blondes and i want to stab him sometimes because hes the least black person i know, his only ghetto quality being his looseness with money and drug addiction. Fuck afro-centricity, i'm a motherfucking hater.

What is our fixation with light-skinned females, nice clothes, and PIMPED OUT RIDES? I shouldn't say our since i embody none of these qualities. Motherfuckers, i give two shits if my "kicks" are clean and I walk whenever I can. I don't drive to school or back and i don't want to. As for light-skinned women, I don't have a fixation with them, they have a fixation with me and sorry if that came out cocky because it tottally fucking wasn't its just i dunno...I've dated every race in the fucking world but still the white girls out number the blacks and that scares the shit out of me, if only because it reminds me of my father. And its not that hes a terrible person nor is it that theres anything at all wrong with white girls, I just really don't want to be him. I have sooooooooo much love for white girls, mainly because i'm not a loud person at all or a very public person, and white girls are only fucking nutso and bitchy in private and black girls tend to "put you on blast" and i'm so fucking tired of that shit its not even funny. And its not just black girls its this whole bullshit "U GOT SERVED!", 8 Mile generation. Everything is a rap battle now, its fucking novelty. "Aww snaps nigga, that dude just looked at you funny, you gonna take that?" It's like a uphill pissing contest: even if you do win, everyone still has piss all over their ERRR FORCE ONEZ and shit them thangs was custom made for like three bills. Who do I punch?

(That was the worst simlie ever.)

Secondly, my personal life is way out of control. My last relationship, I think, fucked me up alot because I dunno, it went really fast, and so now i'm being so careful and shielded that I think i'm fucking things up. Like i'm not even feeling that... "je ne sais quoi" when i kiss...i mean i do but...the moments aren't there or they don't stay, they're transient. Thats exactly what it is actually, theres no permanence or transferrance of romance from day to day. One day i'll make a connection the next it'll be like it never happened or something.

Like everything was just a flirtation.

That's not what I want, not what i'm looking for. Fuck one night stands, hook ups, and all that shit, i'm TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OLD. Or maybe too stupid. I want relationships that mean something, relationships not built on sexuality, but at the same time, with out that as the driving force, its hard. This must be how the jesus freaks feel.

Right now, i sort of feel something for somebody but its really not at that 100% sure shit, not at that natural coexistance level yet and so I dunno. At the same time, I feel restricted. Like I get somewhat guilty whenever I flirt or like check out other girls and shit, or when they like hit on me somepart of me feels like "gah i'm taken, i don't want you!". How freaky is that? I'm going to be a bomb husband, I can't even cheat on my non girlfriend lmao. I don't know if its a sign of how much I really care for her and how blind and oblivious I am to my own feelings at this point, or if its my stupid fucking codependance and general retardation again.

I wish i could be more direct with ALL of this shit, but really, to be direct you have to have confidence, which i usually have shitloads of but this total loss of control has really diminished it. BOOST MY EGO FUCKERS, BOOST IT GOOD!

PS: Congrats if you read all of this, it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense (especially the white girl shit, which seriously is nothing, its more beef i have with my dad and how fake and childish he is sometimes which i will explain if need be. Its personal neurosieseseseseisejsiejsiejsiejsiej)

PPS: This is the result of me wanting to RARGHHA HULK SMASH! everything in sight, so ummm, ya

Victoire!

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 03:48:10 GMT

PATRIOTS BITCHES!
$50 BITCHES!
EMERALD CASHEWS BITCHES!
SANTA CLAUSE UNICORN EASTER BUNNY COMMERCIAL ORGY BITCHES!

That is all.

Je ris sur l'Internet ce soir.

Tue, 01 Feb 2005 02:03:17 GMT

[17:56] Nathan Young: i know you've probably been told this, but you should spin techno or hip hop or something
[17:56] DJ Simard: lol whyy my name?
[17:56] Nathan Young: yuh huh
[17:56] DJ Simard: lolol
[17:56] Nathan Young: its kind of cool
[17:56] Nathan Young: can i steal it and use it
[17:56] DJ Simard: my nme?
[17:56] DJ Simard: i HATE my name
[17:57] Nathan Young: no but itd be awesome
[17:57] Nathan Young: and then if i got famouse
[17:57] DJ Simard: lol yeah
[17:57] Nathan Young: i'd be the REAL dj simard
[17:57] Nathan Young: you'd be some poser
[17:57] Nathan Young: and you'd be like
[17:57] Nathan Young: but its my name....:(
[17:57] DJ Simard: ha sadness
[17:57] Nathan Young: people wouldn't care and no one believe you
[17:57] DJ Simard: sad!
[17:58] Nathan Young: but then id come to your city and play a show
[17:58] Nathan Young: and then id call you on stage
[17:58] Nathan Young: and explain everything
[17:58] Nathan Young: and all your friends and everyone that ever doubted you would be like shit, she aint no poser, shes cool as shit
[17:59] Nathan Young: this is a good story
[17:59] Nathan Young: it could be a movie
[17:59] DJ Simard: lol
[17:59] DJ Simard: really?
[17:59] Nathan Young: it wouldn't be a good movie
[17:59] Nathan Young: OH WAIT
[17:59] Nathan Young: i know how to make it a movie i could sell
[17:59] Nathan Young: you hate me for it
[17:59] Nathan Young: but then as you meet me we fall in love
[18:00] Nathan Young: seriously
[18:00] Nathan Young: this like fits the romantic comedy formula perfectly
[18:00] Nathan Young: me the black hip hopper from the hood, you the white business woman
[18:00] Nathan Young: it would never work
[18:00] Nathan Young: but forces conspired to bring us together
[18:00] DJ Simard: i have an ugly last name
[18:01] Nathan Young: and love each other
[18:01] Nathan Young: i could change it
[18:01] Nathan Young: but thats a rockin movie lol
[18:01] Nathan Young: its like that Lisa Kudrow movie that nobody saw
[18:01] DJ Simard: yeahh word
[18:01] Nathan Young: gah amazing

PS: The new ben folds single is amazing.
PPS: That fortune cookie game doesn't work with random thoughts in your head [see mood]

C'est trop baiser drôle!

Tue, 01 Feb 2005 01:59:07 GMT

Katie took this fucking awesome picture of me and nick weinbach.

Yes nicky weinbach somehow ended up at a stoner rock show... and if you don't know who he is...ummm whatever i'm drunk as fuck and wearing a fur coat.

Aléatoire

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 07:55:29 GMT

This is the first worthless entry ever but oh well i just needed to say...

you are either a record nerd or not a scenester at
all. you are the coolest of the bunch. bravo,
dude.

what type of lame scenester are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

OH THANK GOD.

Zut alors! Pourquoi est-ce que j'échoue toujours?

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 05:49:33 GMT

I really hurt somebody I didn't want to hurt last night and now I'm paying for it today. I've had an exhausting conversation with one the most important people in my life and it seems she thinks i've changed after last night and...Everything i say after this would just be emo drivle so read my mood...its a pretty accurate description of my life as i'm sure the stress of potentially losing her will engulf my being.

For now enjoy an untitled poem i typed into my cell phone as I went to the bathroom, drove to the grocery store and shopped.

You heard right, i typed a poem into my phone while driving. I'm really glad i didn't kill anyone.

Untitled
----------

Battery Park Oakleys on as i watch a shimmering beacon of sex collapse upon itself in an act of self-help, help self, self-righteousness, right just this night won't allow for tragedy. See, she spent her last 50 bucks on a half ounce of shwag and isn't it just perfect how things worked out? She sits alone, back to self-conciousness, cuz that little slut never did her no good, and now her head's in the oven and her soul is in the kitchen sink and now everybody's fasting cuz who don't respect a starving artist. It's her and her self-sublimities and everybody else is me me me, an echo through a corridor, a ripple in her satin sheets and self self self: I am a starving artist.

Moins de même chose

Sun, 02 Jan 2005 01:25:00 GMT

SO THIS IS THE NEW YEAR
AND I FEEL PRETTY DIFFERENT

Last night was exactly what I needed to motivate me out of the complacency I had somehow fallen into. What I had planned for New Years didn't work out the way it was planned and for once, I was fine with that. You see, I have a rather large problem with taking things the wrong way, taking things to heart that were said in passing, and truly holding a grudge against people for whatever innocuous act or phrase they muttered about me. What especially irks me is when theres an agreement on what's supposed to happen and then it is ignored, or quickly excused out of existence with a barrage of "I'm really sorry"s and "It's not that i don't want to man, its that I can't"s. I have really bad control issues, and i dunno, when that kind of shit happens, i guess i just feel abandoned and i never really trust the person again. It's really bizarre. And since everyone i know has done it at least once, i find myself not really trusting anyone and becoming self-absorbed and quiet. But New Years was different, and hopefully, this new year will be different as well.

There was supposed to be a party. There wasn't. There was, instead, a bottle of Bacardi 151, Alizé, and Berry Skyy, about an 8th of sticky and a half 8th of really high grade kush that i brought. Add all those substances and bunch of really fucking awesome people (EXCEPT FOR WHICHEVER OF YOU RANDOM STONER FUCKS STOLE MY PIECE) and you get a really great New Years. Since that party got busted or something a lot of people migrated from there to my homie Ronald's house. His mom and dad were drunk and dancing to whatever that mexican music is called (LA RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)and welcomed everyone into the house with open arms. We chilled and danced and ate and drank and smoked at it was chill as fuck for forever. And then we all got kicked out 10 minutes before the countdown. For awhile we were afraid we'd spend our new years in his complex's Laundry room. We ended up being taken in by his crazy old black neighbor who was dancing to Nelly and Notorious BIG, despite being over 70 years old. She also drank some of our Bacardi 151.

I ended up sharing my New Years kiss with Nikki, though we sort of cheated numerous times prior to the countdown. I'm normally not one for random hookups (and by random I mean people that i haven't had a romantic history with, not necessarily people that i don't know at all) and usually feel strange the next morning. I dunno, perhaps it was the innocence of this one that set it apart from the others. Only went as far as kissing, there were a lot of embraces and hand holding, and I dunno, it seemed right for the moment. Right for the future? Not sure, but i'm never really sure. Only thing I'm sure of is this really cleared my head. It was the mental enema I so desperately needed. Last year was a haze of confusion and changes, I can only hope that this year provides the clarity and tranquility I need on my path to maturity.

PACE BITCHES AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Wed, 29 Dec 2004 11:51:35 GMT

Holy shit, best joke ever. Even better, I made it up!

What do you get after eating a hot dog on a stick?

Gonorrhea.

Joyeux Noël!

Sat, 25 Dec 2004 09:03:57 GMT

Merry Christmas Bitches!

If you're Jewish or Pagan or Other...Merry Life Kids! Christmas is amazing and I'm in a pretty good mood!

!!!!!

Exclamation Points BO!

Umm yeah.

Ce soir, nous partie.

Fri, 24 Dec 2004 04:10:07 GMT

Yeah so last night I went to the livest concert I've ever been. It was called "Christmas in the Hood" so i was a bit skeptical, but it was free and all the proceeds (you had to bring a wrapped gift) went towards a good cause so I hopped on the Metro and headed down to the Knitting Factory with Chris, Ronald aka Skip The Kid, and my younger brother who is in town for the holidays. We got down there crazy early so we passed the time by smoking a haphazardly rolled blunt i did up in five minute because i was being rushed out of my house (and i'm notoriously late so...) and it was good. We popped a squat in the gated entrance of some complex and Ronald kept talking to all the fools that passed by us. Asked about a couple's dog. It was a Terrier.

Anyways, to the show. We get there and we are told that we will be fed. Those are perhaps the most glorious words to ever penetrate a blazed penniless man's ear. We get in and bam, buffet line of carne asada and chicken soft tacos with lime, and salsa, and all that good shit. This would tide us over for the fucking 2 hour wait for the show to start...unreliable rappers...

When the show did start, I was a bit dissapointed. Some fool named 2 Hott started the shit off with some real basic raps and the sound system was off balance. A few other no namers came up in the 2-3 song machine gun rotation they had going on, but the place really wasn't feeling any of it until Global City, a trio of bandana mask donning chollos that rapped about...well it wasn't thug life... thats about all i could deciphe. Whatever beats were crazy. Then some kids I never heard of came up by the name of Second State...real good shit. I mean real good. A few other good acts came up, but then finally, a headliner: 2Mex.

But it wasn't just 2Mex, it was 2Mex and motherfuckin Busdriver and a whole grip of people behind em. Looked like a Wu Tang show. But it wasn't a Wu Tang Show, it was brand new 2Mex material and, fucking get this, his new beats...sampled from Franz Ferdinand and The Mars Volta. All of the sudden a mosh pit starts up behind me, kids getting knocked out left and right and the whole club gets hyped man. I wyle out like i always do and a hype man throws me two beers. I down em and of course, wyle out more, so much so that i am pulled onto the stage and work the crowd with the hype men. Towards the end of the set i stage dive, am held up for a bit, and then am dropped, but thats really how that shit goes, and then i'm hopping on the train at 12:30. I missed Filthee Immigrants, Mikah 9, Mykill Myers, and B Real(from cypress hill) but its all good, that fuckin 2Mex set and all the free gear and grub i got made it worth the stuffed animal i threw into a gift bag.

HOPE YOU LIKE THE NEW LAYOUT! I made it last night while drunk and further blazed (rolled a proper blunt when i got home) and I think i'll keep it for awhile. Pace bishes.

N'entrez pas doucement dans cette nuit foncée

Thu, 16 Dec 2004 00:43:23 GMT

I wrote a short story today. Well it was a poem and then i decided it was a shitty poem so i tried to turn it into a short story and then when i started writing the story, the female character started to take on some of the characteristics of this girl i know, whose name is ommitted because i wouldn't want to embarrass her at all, (IT WAS KATIA SUPRISE OMG) even though this doesn't have an ounce of truth in it sans the female character's mannerisms and personality.

Anyways, definite work in progress wrote this in less than an hour. I know that's not how you are supposed to seperate dialog but i like it that way and that title is not really the title, i need a better one. BLAH! READ!!!

A Cig Lit From The Foyer

“Jelly or jam, man?”

Matzo to the shirt sleeve as an Aeries speaks, chest heaving with pent-up sexuality or perhaps nervousness because of her slight lisp. I didn’t care – her chest was heaving – and I wanted jam.

“Raspberry alright?”

It’s a decent flavor, but it was quite possibly the worst she could have suggested, lips and tongue tripping over each other in a desperate attempt to form that a-s-p sound, a grand effort for a disappointing outcome.

“Do you have strawberry?”

She looked as though she had just been bludgeoned by a small bag of apples or something, her expression only comparable to the one she made the other day when I lit up a Kamel Red in front of her.

“You know you really need to quit smoking,” she had said.

“I know,” I replied.

And I did, though it still seemed like patronization, a verbal shrug at what could've been genuine concern but was most likely that pseudo-Edge individuality peeking out. And presently, I smiled at her, she having just returned from the pantry, and she smiled back of course. It was the one thing I could depend upon; everything else went to shit, time and time again, but she stayed smiling. Even in those black-and-white emo snapshots photoshopped to incorporate a pink heart in the vein of that old punk rock irony, you could see a smile creeping up upon her; you knew she either burst into tears or burst into laughter afterwards. And that’s what this little gathering was about really, I had to see if her pillows were tear-stained, if her hamper was filled with shirts desecrated by that passionate mucous of heartbreak. And I would check later – now, we sat, spreading strawberry jam, and presumably having a meaningful conversation. But all that escaped her mouth was:

“What are you smiling at?”

“You,” I replied and again she was bludgeoned by apples, flipping her hair back in a knee-jerk lunge for composure and then

“Tea?” she asked.

“I’m rather partial to coffee myself,” I replied. And

“What the fuck is your problem, you don’t!”

And this time I was bludgeoned by apples. She had never been one to swear always using cutesy replacements like “Santa Vacha,” and “What the frick?” Perhaps she had forgotten this in her haste to boil water, but no, her chest was heaving, and I cared this time, genuinely, and she cared this time, genuinely. This was not just another culture clash flirtation, this was... real.

“How do you mean?” said I in my most soothing of voices, you know the kind I read short stories with and she motioned to a note I had passed to her during lunch. In it was a poem with a modest introduction and personal farewell; it was signed “Love, Nathan,” and it was this line her shaking index finger prodded at.

“I do though,” I murmured.

“Don’t,” she said.

“Platonically,” I clarified.

“Don’t,” she said.

And now it was clear that I wouldn’t need to do any hamper-diving or bedroom-scouring, the answer lay in those eyelids batted downwards and one-word replies. She turned on the television and I spread my jam and I made a motion towards her and she pulled away, eyes still aimed downwards, and so I stood and she said

“Don’t”

I paused for a moment and then I realized that she realized that I was pulling out a pack. I left because I had to and lit up on her doorstep and imagined her, palm pressed against the foyer window, whispering

“Do”

But I knew no such thing would happen. She would either burst into tears or burst into laughter.

Mais je n'ai jamais aimé les autres qui manière...

Mon, 06 Dec 2004 08:45:05 GMT

Holy shit, i just had the best conversation with my 6th grade girlfriend. She had just done up this theraputic list of people she's had significant relationships with and instant messaged me about it and suddenly i was thrust into this weird hour long time warp. I had completely forgotten about that awkward romance and she remembered absolutely everything. The dates, the kisses, the gifts, the breakup...

It gave me a sense of how innocent shit used to be. How going Ice Skating was a fun friday night, how kissing, lips pressed firmly together as if in a battle of will, was just amazing and how much we thought about our feelings and how to put them to words because if we didn't something retarded would inevitably come out.

I'm in a really weird position relationship-wise; it's like i want love but i don't want love...i want like someone i can be with but i don't think i can really be emotionally available to them and i don't fucking know. For once i'm at a loss of words; i feel like i'm in 6th grade again and hormones are telling me i need something but i'm not exactly sure what it is. I don't fell like the same person anymore but not in that emo emo depressed way...just different. Blagh this doesn't make any sense, but for once my entry title is related to the entry.

I dare you to translate it bitches...

Vicodinner is served up on a platter of emotional instability

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 03:30:53 GMT

"Do you think I'll get any dumberer?" i jokingly texted Tasha pre-wisdom tooth excision.

Thursday's oral marked my last rite of passage and I'm feeling fucking good. Too good. I think for the first time in my life people could describe me as glowing. I have energy! I have confidence! I have no fucking clue what I'm doing with my life! Oh fuck, I thought I was unstressed for a moment there...must've been the vicodine talking.

There are eight days left until UC deadlines and I really doubt that I'm going to make it. While this is not the end of the world, it was entirely avoidable. I gave Grant my transcripts before school even started and they are just now getting around to entering them into their system. As all seniors or former seniors know sealed transcripts are required from the school you goto. So unless they can produce one of these from me in less than a week, i'm fucked. Sort of. I don't really want to go to a UC but i'm told this is my best chance and OH GOD HOLD ME I'M SCARED.

I guess i don't need god now that i have prescription drugs. Today i downed a cocktail of 12 Extra Strength Excederin, 3 250mg Vicodines, and 1 amoxicillin. And as i said, I was glowing...or red-faced...or black-faced.... FUCK IT I DONT KNOW I WAS VIBRANT. The slight inebriation that took up the first few hours was followed by a huge surge of energy that caused me to serenaded all the women in Journalism to the tune of Kim Jong Il's "I'm So Ronery". I also donned a gangsta rag made from lynor's brown sheer scarf, yelled Kanye West lines into this annoying mexican kids ears (Relevant ones too: "IF YOU KNEW HOW MY FACE FELT, YOU WOULD KNOW HOW MACE FELT, THANK GOD I AINT TOO COOL FOR THE SAFE BELT"), and played XTREME Hangman with Tasha in an attempt to apologize for yelling at her for being retarded in her storytelling abilities (she got in a car crash).

It was a good day.

I feel really blessed that i'm surrounded by people that are accepting to my eccentricity and me on the whole. Not divinely blessed cuz like i said FUCK GOD I HAVE VICODINE, but like i'm a lucky guy. I need a girlfriend though. I think after all my applications get done i'll seriously work on that. 10 MORE TABS BABY.

Picture Perfect Photo Phinish Phiguritively Speaking

Mon, 15 Nov 2004 04:40:25 GMT

I went picture taking w/ cori last night.

It was fun.